Peace, please.

For 20 years now I've had the same issue on the night before the first day of school.  I can't sleep.  I can't get to sleep, I can't stay asleep, I can't sleep.  I even thought this year would be different because ultimately, my room is ready, my class lists are printed (although will need to be reprinted as changes have happened miraculously through the weekend), my plans for the entire week are laid out.  I even have the stuff I need to take to school packed and ready to go.  And yet, it is almost midnight and exactly three hours ago I took two Excedrin PM's to help with the headache I'd been fighting all day and to knock me on my behind so I could sleep.  Unfortunately, it hasn't helped me sleep.  Fortunately, the headache has been depleted.  My bladder is even empty.  What the heck?  I would expect this from a first or even fifth year teacher, but after 20 years?

Needless to say, I would venture to guess many of my colleagues are in the same sleepless boat I am in right now.  Add to that the many students who are anxious and nervous all at the same time and that first day of school is quite an adventure.  The Big Princess had her lunch for tomorrow packed at 2 PM today. She had her school supplies all in her backpack and labeled by 2:30.  Then, her entire week's worth of clothes are laid in their respective hanging organizer, all done by 3 PM.  So, what was left for her?  The brooding.  The fretting.  The "Mom, what ifs" that we had to talk through.

"Mom, what if kids call me short?"
I replied, "Say thank you with a big smile." (Which I then demonstrated.)
"Really?"
I smiled.  "Nah, let's do it this way.  Say thank you with a big smile but add the southern accent to it."
She giggled.
I continued.  "And if they call you Chinese in a bad way, say the same thing.  If they make fun of anything about you, say it.  Now say it for me."
"Thank you (said by an amazingly cute Chinese kid with a southern accent)!"
Perfect.

I just walked into her room a few minutes ago and watched her sleep, peacefully.  I stared at her as she breathed in and out, without a care in the world.  Then, I wiped tears away as I realized the time she is in my household and my daily constant care are slipping through my fingers every second.  So, I prayed a blessing on her, seeking not only peace for me, but asking for continued peace for her as she faces tomorrow's unknowns.

Continuing down the hall with a furry friend right by my side the whole way, I decided maybe writing will help give me the peace so needed.  My heart is burdened with former students whose lives are a mess. It's burdened with current students whose lives I'm about to enter who have so many battles within their little hearts and heads.  I'm concerned about the future of not only these kids but of education as a whole.  Where are we heading specifically?  Technology has changed our world and to me, it's made it so darn scary even the good things about it.  My two year old will graduate in 2026. What will education be like THEN?  (Which, by the way, will be when I'm 60!)

Okay, so this whole use writing to gain peace thing isn't going to work tonight.  I think I'll go count my new pens and pencils.