Just wondering....

Last night the girls and I went to Sanford and met Ida Joy-Emma, who was an adorable 7 lb "new baby" as The Little Princess would say.  I held her for a bit and the girls looked at her and The Little Princess touched her head about a hundred times. It was one of those times when everything in the world seems right and good and true.  Ida is a miracle baby to add to the beauty of having her here with us, outside the womb.  Yes, I said womb.

Holding a baby that small makes me wonder what birthing a child would be like.  Not the pain and gore, but just the whole process. What would it feel like to have a little being inside kick you?  How would it feel to hear the heartbeat?  And then, what in the world goes through your mind as you hold that messy little one as soon they've made his/her grand entrance?  But alas, this will never be an experience of mine, unless of course, God chooses immaculate conception through me, which is pretty rare odds I believe.

As I held Ida, I realized just how much of my own daughters' lives I missed out on.  And yet, I know they were placed in my heart long before either of them were born.  As soon as I decided to adopt, it's weird but this Chinese baby face came to my mind and heart and was there the entire time I waited.  For The Big Princess, that wait was 2 years, for The Little Princess, it was 4.  It's really quite bizarre because both babies looked different to me in my mind and of course, when I finally was matched and received their pictures, they looked different again.  I wonder if that picture was my mind's way of being a mom mentally as well as being one in my heart.  Some adoptive parents have the same situation where there is a baby in their heart and mind as soon as the process begins, which is why it is so tragic when an adoption is interrupted or ended.  Anyway, just some thoughts to babble on and wonder about.

Family update:  My eye feels better, still not 100% but clearly on the way.  Little Princess is still getting hives, but not as much.  Big Princess is currently taking a shower and invited Little Princess in, which I can tell by the screaming and singing is going well.  Little Princess informed me she wants to stay naked today so it should be interesting....